Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
