remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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