Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
