So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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