well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
