the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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