He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize