ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
