theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
