haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
