considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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