That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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