we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
