I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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