I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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