I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
