There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
