i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
