found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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