If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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