do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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