Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
