so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Less talking, more tequila
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
