the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
