my mouth tastes like poor choices
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i now understand why vodka
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
