Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
