her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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