Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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