He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
