watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she looked like the before picture.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
