is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
