Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
