There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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