he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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