She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
