im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
