I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
