and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
