If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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