So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
how does that bad decision feel?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize