On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I want a musical about memes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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