i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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