i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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