YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
