I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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