I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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