These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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