so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
