I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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