everyone is single if you try hard enough
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just pee around me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
