should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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