i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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