the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
