After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
