so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
