It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
