opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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