It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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