I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
