Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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