I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
