dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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