I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
