Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
