everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
