im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Everything about him screamed your future.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
