You can't special order awesome
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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