I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
